Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
