i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
