I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
