dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
