In the future we'll all be gay
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
