dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
