Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
