I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
