So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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