I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
