No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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