my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and she was petting her beer can
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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