This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
