He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
