what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
