I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
