I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
