6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
