This girl is more easily done than said...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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