so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
