the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
