Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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