i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
