I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
