Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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