I wish I could teleport
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
