He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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