The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
