im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
