look no pants
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
