can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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