my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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