I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
