I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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