just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
