what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
