Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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