fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
