oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
