Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
