I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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