if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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