Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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