he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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