i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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