she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
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I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
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