I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
