It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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