just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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