Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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