I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
