I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize