My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
