Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
