sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
