im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
