Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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