We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
