Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
