She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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