When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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