Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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