I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
