I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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