I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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