Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
