My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
