capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
