i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
