If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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