I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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