i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
