she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
