can we get nightvision for the apartment?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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