it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
