I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
