yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
