Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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