when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
