my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize