Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
