Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
